Missing Mom During The Pandemic
Posted July 5, 2020
on:- In: Family
- 112 Comments
Like everyone else, many of my plans for this year have been ruined due to the global pandemic. A long-anticipated trip to Venice, a trip to the UK to see longtime friends and to celebrate a good friend’s 70th birthday, a meeting with a Canadian friend in Valencia, visits from Canadian friends during their around the world tour, and a trip to Canada to attend my youngest grandson’s high school graduation and a huge family reunion – all cancelled. But the biggest disappointment of all, is missing the opportunity to see my 91-year-old mom.
Mom is well looked after in a care home in Medicine Hat, Alberta. I keep in touch with the staff on a regular basis, and they have informed me that she is doing well, is happy and healthy. They are doing a great job of keeping the residents safe, and no cases of COVID 19 have been detected in the care home, which is a relief and I am so thankful.
But she is not allowed any visitors, for obvious reasons. As a result, I’ve not been able to Skype or FaceTime with her from Spain for the past four months, as it is the visitors who facilitate these video calls. I keep feeling she will think she’s been abandoned because no one comes to see her. I send her emails, as do my brothers, that the staff read out to her, but I really wish I could see her, at least on a screen if not in person.
The care home recently started allowing the residents to have visits by appointment. These visits are held outside with the regulated two-metre distancing and both parties wearing masks. My darling granddaughter made an appointment last week and visited Mom. It was hard not to be able to hug her great-grandmother or hold her hand. Mom has difficulty hearing and her own voice is very soft so the distance made conversation almost impossible. Initially, mom didn’t recognize her, but when she pulled down the mask for a quick smile, mom nodded and smiled in recognition. Of course, there were tears. As there were for me when I saw the pictures and video.


There wasn’t much conversation but there was a lot of love. I was so happy to see these images and to see that Mom is all right and smiling.
This is what my dear granddaughter had to say about her visit:
“I booked a visit with my lovely Great Grandma. I have always had a close emotional bond with Grandma Frisch. She often took care of me when I was young, most weekends and more, and I returned the care to her when she needed it. I love her so much. Grandma’s existence throughout her whole life thrived on family. Thrived on making sure her family was ok by visiting, keeping in touch, and keeping close bonds. She is now in her 90s so she cannot hear very well and speaks very softly. Visits with Grandma are always in close contact so we can hear each other and feel the close presence.
Visiting Grandma like this, in today’s world, I had no idea I would break down. She didn’t recognize who I was at first with a mask on so I broke the rule and pulled it down for a smile. She lit up and smiled back and said I love you. We sat for our 30 minutes of no touch, no conversation, just eye contact. And uncontrollable tears from me. It is saddening, heartbreaking, and just too frustrating to even bare the strength of holding it back. I tried to hide my tears as best as I could… and I’m usually pretty strong.. but I could see that she knew. She tried to unlock her wheelchair brakes to come to console me. But of course, she couldn’t. So I smiled instead and said over and over I Love You.
I did ask, as she was about to be taken back, that we take off our masks for a real smile. The nurse thankfully said that was ok.
Our poor elders. What is this for … what is worse… and at what cost? Humans need humans. Humans need touch, humans need love…. we survive on it. Love through our eyes at a distance will have to do for now. Grandma is well, Grandma looks amazing, and I told her everyone loves her and thinks about her every day. ❤️
Suddenly small things don’t matter anymore like eyebrow waxing or hair cuts, when there are innocent people literally dying alone. And not just from COVID19.”
I feel incredibly proud of this young woman and touched by her words. And so very grateful that she shared this with me.
Who have you been missing during these days of lockdown? Have you been able to see your loved ones?
112 Responses to "Missing Mom During The Pandemic"

If only all young people were as kind and sensitive…actually, if only everyone was as aware and caring. You are lucky, Darlene. All best wishes.


My heart is breaking for you and your family. I hope that you will be able to hug your mom one day very soon.


Goodness. I’m so sorry, Darlene. It’s a shame they can’t set up your mother’s phone on wifi to accept a facetime call from you. I empathize with you and I wrote about this very situation a while back at the blog. Your niece is a very special young woman and a writer like her aunt. Let’s hope this improves for our elderly. I know Dr. Henry has okay’d visits in long term care homes but they will be extremely strict. One person at a time and other things. Argh. It’s getting harder not easier.


Sorry, your granddaughter (not niece :P) is a very special young woman.


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July 5, 2020 at 5:34 am
At my mother’s care home in Australia, visits were limited but never stopped. She is on the ball and very with it and I was able to phone her just before she got very frail and we had a long chat and laugh talking about my family dramas. Then my doctor sister thought Mum was very near the end and we managed a Facetime; all the Australian family had also been to see her. But then she perked up and felt hungry! Visitors are still going and helping her with meals. It must be awful for those with elderly relatives literally locked in.
July 5, 2020 at 6:25 am
It is difficult but important to keep them safe. How nice that your mom perked up. It’s so hard when we are so far away.
July 5, 2020 at 9:42 am
Thanks Darlene. They are a tough generation.
July 5, 2020 at 9:36 pm
That they are!!