Darlene Foster's Blog

Understanding

Posted on: April 12, 2019

I am pleased to be part of an anthology called Understanding, An Anthology of True and Significant Life Events – compiled by Stevie Turner


Blurb:
The following authors and bloggers kindly answered questions posed by Stevie Turner regarding significant life experiences they had undergone. These events include sexual abuse, a near death experience, alcoholism, being diagnosed with cancer, depression, losing weight, getting married, being a mother to many children, being the daughter of a narcissistic mother, and many more!

Thanks to:
Alienora Browning
Sally Cronin
Dorinda Duclos
Scarlett Flame
Bernard Foong
Darlene Foster
Janet Gogerty
Debbie Harris
Lucy V. Hay
Miriam Hurdle
Phil Huston
Pamela Jessen
Joe
D.G Kaye
Lynda McKinney Lambert
Jaye Marie
Clive Pilcher
Abbie Johnson Taylor
Beem Weeks

Here is an excerpt of my contribution, about
grief after the tragic death of a family member

Did you find your brother’s death hard to believe at first?

It was incomprehensible. I forced myself to be strong for my parents’ sake. I looked after the funeral arrangements etc in a blur. I kept saying to myself, this isn’t happening, this is just a bad dream and I will wake up soon. It was much later that I would find myself crying uncontrollably, usually when I was on my own. I recall driving down the highway when it hit me that he was gone. That I would not get to dance at his wedding, to hold his babies or to have a good chat and a laugh with him like we always did. My daughter would never get to know her uncle. I started crying so hard, I had to pull over as I couldn’t see through my tears. This happened a couple of years after the accident.

Did you feel angry after the initial shock had passed?

Yes. I was angry at the unfairness of it all. He was a young man with his whole life ahead of him. He had completed school, was working and being a responsible citizen. He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. 

How long did it take you to accept his death?

I am not sure if I ever really have. I do know that he has been spared the hardships and heartaches of life. But I still wish he was here with us.

Available on all Amazon sites

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All proceeds will go to Cancer Research.

Check it out! Thanks.

52 Responses to "Understanding"

Thanks Darlene – we’ve now sold 20 copies this week!

That is awesome! It is a good compilation.

This sounds like it is an incredible collection of stories. Thanks for sharing, Darlene.

There are some excellent pieces in this book.

Congratulations, Darlene! If the cover reflects the creativity of the contents, it will be a great read.

The cover is amazing. I have enjoyed reading the other contributions.

Sounds like a wonderful compilation of life stories, and congrats for being a part of this collection!

I am very pleased to be part of this project. The other stories are excellent.

Thanks, Darlene, How incredibly sad to have lost your brother at such a young age. I lost my ‘baby brother’ when he was fifty and that was hard enough, but at least he married and had the love of a woman and a son before he passed. Blessed memories endure, thankfully. Hugs xx

It was a very sad time for our family and even though it was over 40 years ago, I still cried when I wrote it.

You are quite brave to have participated in this Darlene. Sharing a personal tragedy as you have must take a particular kind of person, especially to share something ch personal details. The only parallel event I have is the death of our 22 year old son on Christmas Eve 1997, but there the similarity ends because there is no way I would share publicly any details or personal feelings. But, each to his own, and I greatly respect what you have done. B.

Thanks. To lose a child would be the worst and I know I would not be able to write about it. My heart goes out to you and your family. Although this event happened well over 40 years ago, this is the first time I have written about it and I did not find it easy. I have verbally shared his story with young people about to enter the world of work in the hopes that they would be more vigilant in the workplace.

I think your sharing with young people Darlene in this way is inspirational and extremely valuable. We did the same with our young female educational staff in Nepal which had a positive effect that is still talked about a decade later. Out of catastrophe springs inspiration!

this sounds like a tough read, but maybe a catharsis as well {{hugs}}

The stories are mixed and some are very uplifting. If people can understand what others have gone through, perhaps they would be more empathetic.

Agreed. That’s why books like these are so valuable

I didn’t know you had lost a brother, Darlene. I am so sorry. A very hard thing for your family. Hugs.

Thanks, Robbie. It was tough. It certainly did make us remaining appreciate each other more.

Some familiar names contributing there… Kudos on the achievement!

Thanks, Kevin. There are some amazing authors in this anthology.

I bought this and it’s on my Kindle, Darlene! Sounds like a wonderful anthology and one that we can all relate to. Thanks for sharing your story here. Peace and blessings 🙏

Thanks so much. I hope you enjoy the stories by these awesome writers.

I have NO DOUBTS that I will.

It is so hard to lose a sibling, Darlene, and a unique grieving experience. I’m glad you were able to share it. I lost my sister 7 years ago and I’ll never get over it. This sounds like a special book, now added to my TBR list. ❤️

I’m sure you will enjoy the various contributions. So sorry to hear about the loss of your dear sister. It’s never easy.

An amazing collection of life’s reflections, and one I am proud to be a part of…

It is a superb collection. Glad you are in it as well.

Congratulations on being included. You are in good company, Darlene! 🙂

Thanks, Marian. I am sure you recognize a few of the authors on the list. Good company indeed!

This looks like an important and interesting book.

I too lost my brother when he was just 24 years. And no I am still not over it. Will never be. I learnt a lot from his death, primarily how important it is to focus on living life to the full and not taking things for granted. Hard lessons. I can totally relate to the pain and to the wishing he was here today. He never got married, had kids and has not known my kids as they have grown from boys to young men. Its all too sad…

Peta

Thanks, Peta. You obviously can empathize with me. You are right in that you learn from these tragedies. I became much closer and more tolerant with my two remaining brothers. Someone, who had also lost a brother, wrote in her sympathy card to me, “The pain goes away but the love never ends” So true.

You were brave to share that very sad time for your family.

After 44 years, I felt I needed to do it. It was hard though.

Sounds like a very interesting book!

I think you would like it. xo

It sounds like wonderful collection. I enjoyed reading the excerpt of your contribution. It had to be so difficult to lose a brother.

Thank you, Sheryl. It was the most difficult event in my life. The collection is very good.

How brave and generous to share your experiences so fully. I hope the book does well. It looks like a valuable collection to have at hand.

Thanks, Cath. It wasn’t easy but it was time. Some excellent pieces in the book.

Thank you for sharing such a painful event in your life. I can only imagine the depth of your grief. I have been blessed with three other siblings and we are all in our 60’s. Such a tragedy at such an early age. The book looks incredible….again thank you for sharing. Have a great week!

Thank you, Kirt. It was the most difficult thing that happened to our family. The collection of stories in the book are well worth reading.

Having lost a sister before her time, your extract really resonated with me.

Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos

You understand then. So much focus at the time is on the parents, and rightly so, but siblings suffer immensely and often in silence. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

Darlene, I’m so sorry about the loss of your brother and reading your extract the pain is as raw as ever. My heart goes out to you. This is a most unusual book, I imagine very emotional and heart wrenching but the stories of others lives that can help us in our own. Thank you for sharing here and hope the compilation sells well. Xx

I appreciate your comments, Annika. It has been over 40 years and the grief is still there. It is an amazing compilation.

Although this sounds like a wonderful collection, I’m so sorry to hear about your brother, Darlene. I can’t imagine how difficult that would be.

It was very difficult. Someone once said to me that although everyone offers solace to the grieving parents, and rightly so, the siblings are often overlooked. It is a great collection of interviews giving insight into a number of life-changing situations.

So personal and heartfelt, but what a wonderful project to be part of – hope you don’t mind I have shared it on my reg PainPalsBlog feature “Monday Magic – Inspiring Blogs for You!”, Claire x

I’m pleased you liked my part of the collection. Thanks for sharing it on your blog.

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